Wake Up Call

So I'm sitting here, on my couch at 6am.....on a public holiday.....thinking about something I really want to blog, but seriously weighing up the pros & cons of putting this piece of information out there. This 'issue' has caused a bad dream, which in turn has made me wake up in tears.

 I totally get why B headbutts brick walls!

It's not a serious 'issue' - meaning it won't potentially physically harm anyone if I do or do not talk about it ...(except maybe me).

It could possibly have adverse emotional effects on a couple of people I love & care about if I do talk about it, so in that sense, it could become a serious issue if I blog about it. It may not have a huge impact on these people, but do I really want to take that risk? There is a remote chance it could all work out really well, but that usually happens only in the movies. So I really want to talk about this, but there isn't anyone to discuss it with. <That's not a "feel-sorry-for-poor-single-Rachel" line either, it's just the state of things.

Do I just continue to keep ths 'issue' to myself, possibly giving myself more disturbing dreams and a potential ulcer, but saving certain people from possibly being upset? Do I harden the proverbial up and just work it out for myself and/or let it go, getting on with life? Or is this as much an important part of life as anything else? 

Thank goodness it's Easter, and there is a good supply of chocolate within reach.

Withdrawing the Withdrawals.

OK. My last blog was a tad erratic, and I am totally blaming it on nicotine withdrawals.  I thought I would give everyone an update on how my attempt-to-quit-smoking challenge was faring. I will try to get back to normal blogging about other stuff that's way more interesting and funnier than my weaknesses and ridiculous loserish habits.....but I guess it's ok to talk about my meltdowns, because it is my blog.

Today is Day 32 without smoking, and I'm feeling great!

So far I think I'm doing rather well. I've done it  'cold turkey'.........without any turkeys being harmed!  The first 4 days completely sucked, and I think the entire first week is what I'm going to try to recall every single time I think I might want a smoke, because I DO NOT want to go through that again. 

I'm trying not to be too hard on myself about it, because there is a very good chance I will mess up at some stage. I have made it through a few possible "light-up" situations without succumbing, so I'm quite proud of myself.  I did spend a good amount of time trying to mentally prepare myself to stop, and for about 18 months prior, I was hoping for a dose of the flu as a catalyst. It didn't happen...... I am grateful not to have been really sick though!

I still don't think I look better, but I do feel better....so much better that I'm quite happy about the fact that I don't look better, and I'm happy about how I DO look. Does that even make sense? Not really......but I feel better, so it doesn't even matter if I make sense or not. I have put on a bit of weight due to replacing nicotine with as much sugary junk food as I can get my hands on, but I am getting that habit under control aswell......sort of.

...............to be continued.................