Hmmm...what to type, what to type?
Ever had one of those moments when you have 500 thoughts swirling around in your brain, a bit like the lotto balls, and you just have to wait (if possible) until they exit your brain in an orderly fashion?
I'm having one of those moments right now. I think I have them more often than not.
I guess when I think about it, I do have a lot to think about...don't you think?
As I mentioned in another blog, the start of the school year is usually somewhat unpleasant. This year though, it seems to have changed. There was, naturally, the same anxiousness the day before the first day back, but the actual first day ran relatively easily without any tears! Ok...maybe one or two from me, but these were tears of relief. I can safely say there will be more tears coming as I type this blog.
My mum has always told me " little kids-little problems, big kids-big problems". I'm not sure if this is 100% true, but I can see where it would be appropriate in certain cases & situations.
This year I have 2 "big kids", one (D) in his final year of school, the other (B) in his penultimate year of school. D will be fine, I'm sure. He is and has always been a great kid who looks like he is becoming a great young man.
B is another story. He definitely is growing into a great young man & is and always has been a great kid aswell, & definitely gets extra credit for overcoming some very difficult challenges in his life so far. All of my kids deserve this extra credit, it hasn't been smooth sailing for all of them no matter how much I've tried to make it so, and yet they continue to shine.
So back to the beautiful B.......while I wish & hope with all my heart and soul that his challenges were over, there are bigger ones to come. Not just for him, but for me aswell. I can't talk about all of them yet, because that would make this a huge blog....and because there are aspects of the future that I'm not ready to talk about at this point in time. They are frightening and run very deep, and maybe this is not the forum to bring these issues to. I swear I will make my head explode by worrying about the future, then there will be a worse mess to clean up beside tears!
What happens when B leaves school? Where will he go? Will he be safe? Will they look after him? What if someone hurts him? Is he happy? Is he scared?
I'm sure this is a normal motherhood issue....and to have a child who is going to remain vulnerable even as an adult is not a new thing, so I'm not saying I'm unique or deserve a medal or sympathy or whatever. I am just trying to make sense of it all, and I find typing about it easier than talking. Plus there isn't anyone here to talk about it to. *ramble ramble ramble*
Right now my mind is at ease about B's daily routine and well-being, because he goes to a great school, which I also happen to work at. School is such a small part of life though, and there is a whole lot of life afterwards. Then there is the part I didn't want to get into, but will just touch on now.....what happens when I can no longer look after him? (arrgghhhh!!! more tears! I'll stop there.)
Of course there is also J to worry about....but I'm trying not to worry, because he is only just 9 years old, so plenty of time to give myself another ulcer down the track.
I'm sure I will do as I have always done, and just keep going, accepting that there will be good days & bad days, let myself have moments of despair, but then pick myself up again. Cry, laugh.....go a little bit crazy....hide from the big bad world...then come out fighting.......cop the bullshit.....then give it back if called for .Swallow pride & try to ask for help....then do it all over again!
Using-Humour-Mask aside, it's scary as hell, but someone's gotta do it.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Sunday, January 16, 2011
In the End , There's Always Celery.
Originally I set this blog up to share stories about living with my two fabulous children on the autism spectrum. At the moment though, I feel the need to have a 'bit of a chat about the weather'. Before I go on though, this is in no way meant to dismiss, offend, or harm in anyway the thousands & thousands of people suffering serious trauma, loss, grief, upheaval and displacement because of these past couple of weeks. My heart, tears, help & anything else I have to give goes out to them.
11/1/11 will not be a date I will forget in a hurry, & not just because of the freaky way it looks when you write/type it. Infact, this whole past week has been somewhat life-altering. I have always been quite sensitive, I guess, to the emotional side of life. Some might say a "bleeding heart"....but to those people who say it with a certain amount of malice, I say ' if you ever get an acquired brain injury after being punched due to being an ignorant arsehole, then it's us bleeding hearts that will be trying to take care of you & wiping your bum so you're not sitting in shit.'
This is the third attempt, in as many days, that I've had a go at typing this particular piece of personal trivia. Partly because I am not sure where to start, & partly because of other factors...like, do I really have a right to be typing anything at all when so many people in the country are suffering?
Who am I really in the scheme of these events to be talking about how this flood has changed things for me? No one of significant importance to the general public. I was not in direct line of the flood waters that have swallowed up 75% of Queensland and now look like they are trying to drown the entire eastern half of Australia. All of my family are safe, they all still have their houses and contents, I still have a job to go to, I am extremely fortunate. So it would appear to a lot of people, that I should be happy with that, and I should shut up! But in my personal experiences so far, no good ever came from keeping every single feeling you have locked away. It has a way of building up and causing cracks...then spilling out when it's least appropriate.
I am not going to claim I've been traumatised by the events of last week....because I don't believe I have. I am going to say though, that I was scared, anxious, confused, saddened, angry, confused again.....and in the end, really really wanting someone to talk to, and tell me I'm not being stupid, selfish, irrational, over-emotional, neurotic, or ridiculous.( these responses have been presented to me on numerous occasions and helped me to develop a sense of self-preservation & withdrawal). You know...."everything is going to be ok."
I am also going to say, that I now have a rebooted perspective & a clearer, or perhaps updated understanding of how the world works, with a bit more information on human behaviour. I'm not going into details, because I'm not here to cause arguments. There are a lot of emotional people out there at the moment, and there is enough to deal with already without me making it worse. Not that I'm expecting this blog to go global...it's not like I'm a Vampire series author.
Let me just add how weird it is to go into a supermarket and watch people have meltdowns because there's no milk or bread...and the only thing left in the fresh produce section is celery...(because no one actually stocks up on celery except maybe supermodels)
I think I will finish this off by saying how grateful I am to have my precious children, family & friends safe. I hope that no-one ever has to go through this again, but for that to happen then our species would need to be extinct....so I'm probably not going to make a wish for that!
11/1/11 will not be a date I will forget in a hurry, & not just because of the freaky way it looks when you write/type it. Infact, this whole past week has been somewhat life-altering. I have always been quite sensitive, I guess, to the emotional side of life. Some might say a "bleeding heart"....but to those people who say it with a certain amount of malice, I say ' if you ever get an acquired brain injury after being punched due to being an ignorant arsehole, then it's us bleeding hearts that will be trying to take care of you & wiping your bum so you're not sitting in shit.'
This is the third attempt, in as many days, that I've had a go at typing this particular piece of personal trivia. Partly because I am not sure where to start, & partly because of other factors...like, do I really have a right to be typing anything at all when so many people in the country are suffering?
Who am I really in the scheme of these events to be talking about how this flood has changed things for me? No one of significant importance to the general public. I was not in direct line of the flood waters that have swallowed up 75% of Queensland and now look like they are trying to drown the entire eastern half of Australia. All of my family are safe, they all still have their houses and contents, I still have a job to go to, I am extremely fortunate. So it would appear to a lot of people, that I should be happy with that, and I should shut up! But in my personal experiences so far, no good ever came from keeping every single feeling you have locked away. It has a way of building up and causing cracks...then spilling out when it's least appropriate.
I am not going to claim I've been traumatised by the events of last week....because I don't believe I have. I am going to say though, that I was scared, anxious, confused, saddened, angry, confused again.....and in the end, really really wanting someone to talk to, and tell me I'm not being stupid, selfish, irrational, over-emotional, neurotic, or ridiculous.( these responses have been presented to me on numerous occasions and helped me to develop a sense of self-preservation & withdrawal). You know...."everything is going to be ok."
I am also going to say, that I now have a rebooted perspective & a clearer, or perhaps updated understanding of how the world works, with a bit more information on human behaviour. I'm not going into details, because I'm not here to cause arguments. There are a lot of emotional people out there at the moment, and there is enough to deal with already without me making it worse. Not that I'm expecting this blog to go global...it's not like I'm a Vampire series author.
Let me just add how weird it is to go into a supermarket and watch people have meltdowns because there's no milk or bread...and the only thing left in the fresh produce section is celery...(because no one actually stocks up on celery except maybe supermodels)
I think I will finish this off by saying how grateful I am to have my precious children, family & friends safe. I hope that no-one ever has to go through this again, but for that to happen then our species would need to be extinct....so I'm probably not going to make a wish for that!
Monday, January 10, 2011
More Than Meets The Eye!
In an earlier blog I mentioned B mainly talking when he is doing his movie quotes, and how to some it may seem like bad parenting to let him watch so many DVD's blah blah blah...insert something about square eyes & violence....yadda yadda yadda.....etc etc.
However! I believe that if it wasn't for movies, I may not have ever been able chat to him!
There is a thing called Intensive Interaction - a type of therapy to help develop early communication for kids with learning difficulties, Autism etc. Basically it works by the 'teacher' responding to and joining in on whatever behaviour the 'learner' is displaying. This hopefully leads to a line of communication being opened, and it builds from there.
I did not know about Intensive Interaction at the time, but when B was still a pre-schooler, and had started to quote movies, I eventually started to quote with him...mainly because it helped me to feel like I had some sort of bond happening with him, whether he wanted it or not!. This seemed to get his attention and eventually led to him waiting for me to say the next line in whatever sequence he was saying. Then he would prompt me in some way if I wasn't on my game...and it just flowed from there.
While B is still mostly non-verbal if he can be, I am almost positive that the words anyone can now get out of him, have come from this line of communication being opened. ( by me, Supermum! no, ok , that's taking it a bit far). But I seriously think it has helped immensely.
Also what I have noticed, is that it's possible he uses certain lines and scenes from movies to express himself. Although this does need further investigation and studying.
I have worked with a student who started drawing little pictures of caterpillars.....one day he just opened up about the caterpillars and seemed to be using them to tell a story about himself. Putting the caterpillars in situations that distressed him. Maybe the caterpillars were objective enough for this boy to tell the story. Makes sense. It's less personal, so there's less vulnerability, so it's less emotionally overwhelming and confronting.
So why not use messages in movies to express yourself & get your messages across?
(Bumblebee in Transformers used the radio when he didn't have a voice.)
Whatever works!
However! I believe that if it wasn't for movies, I may not have ever been able chat to him!
There is a thing called Intensive Interaction - a type of therapy to help develop early communication for kids with learning difficulties, Autism etc. Basically it works by the 'teacher' responding to and joining in on whatever behaviour the 'learner' is displaying. This hopefully leads to a line of communication being opened, and it builds from there.
I did not know about Intensive Interaction at the time, but when B was still a pre-schooler, and had started to quote movies, I eventually started to quote with him...mainly because it helped me to feel like I had some sort of bond happening with him, whether he wanted it or not!. This seemed to get his attention and eventually led to him waiting for me to say the next line in whatever sequence he was saying. Then he would prompt me in some way if I wasn't on my game...and it just flowed from there.
While B is still mostly non-verbal if he can be, I am almost positive that the words anyone can now get out of him, have come from this line of communication being opened. ( by me, Supermum! no, ok , that's taking it a bit far). But I seriously think it has helped immensely.
Also what I have noticed, is that it's possible he uses certain lines and scenes from movies to express himself. Although this does need further investigation and studying.
I have worked with a student who started drawing little pictures of caterpillars.....one day he just opened up about the caterpillars and seemed to be using them to tell a story about himself. Putting the caterpillars in situations that distressed him. Maybe the caterpillars were objective enough for this boy to tell the story. Makes sense. It's less personal, so there's less vulnerability, so it's less emotionally overwhelming and confronting.
So why not use messages in movies to express yourself & get your messages across?
(Bumblebee in Transformers used the radio when he didn't have a voice.)
Whatever works!
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