Originally I set this blog up to share stories about living with my two fabulous children on the autism spectrum. At the moment though, I feel the need to have a 'bit of a chat about the weather'. Before I go on though, this is in no way meant to dismiss, offend, or harm in anyway the thousands & thousands of people suffering serious trauma, loss, grief, upheaval and displacement because of these past couple of weeks. My heart, tears, help & anything else I have to give goes out to them.
11/1/11 will not be a date I will forget in a hurry, & not just because of the freaky way it looks when you write/type it. Infact, this whole past week has been somewhat life-altering. I have always been quite sensitive, I guess, to the emotional side of life. Some might say a "bleeding heart"....but to those people who say it with a certain amount of malice, I say ' if you ever get an acquired brain injury after being punched due to being an ignorant arsehole, then it's us bleeding hearts that will be trying to take care of you & wiping your bum so you're not sitting in shit.'
This is the third attempt, in as many days, that I've had a go at typing this particular piece of personal trivia. Partly because I am not sure where to start, & partly because of other factors...like, do I really have a right to be typing anything at all when so many people in the country are suffering?
Who am I really in the scheme of these events to be talking about how this flood has changed things for me? No one of significant importance to the general public. I was not in direct line of the flood waters that have swallowed up 75% of Queensland and now look like they are trying to drown the entire eastern half of Australia. All of my family are safe, they all still have their houses and contents, I still have a job to go to, I am extremely fortunate. So it would appear to a lot of people, that I should be happy with that, and I should shut up! But in my personal experiences so far, no good ever came from keeping every single feeling you have locked away. It has a way of building up and causing cracks...then spilling out when it's least appropriate.
I am not going to claim I've been traumatised by the events of last week....because I don't believe I have. I am going to say though, that I was scared, anxious, confused, saddened, angry, confused again.....and in the end, really really wanting someone to talk to, and tell me I'm not being stupid, selfish, irrational, over-emotional, neurotic, or ridiculous.( these responses have been presented to me on numerous occasions and helped me to develop a sense of self-preservation & withdrawal). You know...."everything is going to be ok."
I am also going to say, that I now have a rebooted perspective & a clearer, or perhaps updated understanding of how the world works, with a bit more information on human behaviour. I'm not going into details, because I'm not here to cause arguments. There are a lot of emotional people out there at the moment, and there is enough to deal with already without me making it worse. Not that I'm expecting this blog to go global...it's not like I'm a Vampire series author.
Let me just add how weird it is to go into a supermarket and watch people have meltdowns because there's no milk or bread...and the only thing left in the fresh produce section is celery...(because no one actually stocks up on celery except maybe supermodels)
I think I will finish this off by saying how grateful I am to have my precious children, family & friends safe. I hope that no-one ever has to go through this again, but for that to happen then our species would need to be extinct....so I'm probably not going to make a wish for that!
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